Kids and Sex

This video is an interview with Dr. Manny Alvarez on Fox News and has some very sobering info on teen sexual activity. It’s been very much on my mind lately since I had to take my 15 year old daughter to the ER and she was questioned on that topic several times. The assumption seemed to be that of course there was activity and they asked to question her outside my presence, presumably so she would have an opportunity to ‘fess up in private. They also quizzed her extensively about the fact that she’s homeschooled, the assumption being that we are abusive religious freaks and this ER trip was her best opportunity for escape - but that’s a post for another day. Fair warning - this post has some very frank and graphic statements about teen sexual activity.

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It amazes me that my daughter cannot legally have her ears pierced without my signature, but could have an abortion without my knowledge if she wanted one. The world bombards kids with sex, a fact noted by Dr. Manny Alvarez and in the video he suggests some good common sense methods of preventing kids from having it. Good advice, for the world, but it doesn’t go nearly far enough.

Too many Christians simply tell their kids to “kiss dating goodbye” which is good advice as far as it goes, but it’s only a start. They don’t read the book with their kids and discuss it, and they don’t make it a part of their family bible study - if they even have one. Worse is restricting teenagers to only dating other Christians, because studies have shown that just like divorce rates, teenage sex rates within the church are not significantly different from the world. Too many Christian parents allow their kids to date Christians and then cease to be concerned about their behavior while alone on dates. They say, “Date, but don’t kiss,” or “Kiss, but don’t touch,” and so on. Other Christian parents imply that the desires of the body are sinful - that teens should feel ashamed and unspiritual for having those desires.

Why do so many Christians act as though sex is shameful? Wouldn’t it be better to acknowledge the desires of the body as God-given and explain why forgoing satisfaction of those desires honors God and brings us closer to Him, until (if) the day comes that those desires are fulfilled in the way God intended? Wouldn’t it be better to talk to our kids about what purity is and why they should desire it? Most importantly, how they can obtain it?

This Slate article, “Ass Backwards - The media’s silence about rampant anal sex” was rather shocking. It reported that the media is failing to report the number of teenagers who have engaged in anal sex because it is so focused on the number of teenagers who are engaging in oral sex. Unfortunately, all these reports on teen oral sexual activity have the effect of normalizing it. After all, “everybody’s doing it.” And once oral sex for teens is fully accepted and normal, anal sex is the next “shocker” that the media will report on until we are acclimated to it. We are now numb to things that 20 years ago would have horrified us.

The Teenwire.com site (run by Planned Parenthood) has quite a lot to say about anal sex. One notable statement: “Some straight couples use anal sex as a way to preserve the woman’s virginity.” The fact that any teenager could accept that statement as valid - and many do, just as many teens do not believe oral sex “counts” as sex - shows how sexualized our culture has become.

This is the culture we live in. It will not improve. And if your teenager has been engaged in this culture for some time, you have a lot to worry about. However much time you spend talking to your teenager about sex, you should at least double it. Your teen almost certainly knows how it works - and if not that’s easily remedied - but you need to build a relationship with him or her where you can discuss why and when. Not a lecture. A conversation. Over and over again, as an antidote to MTV and the OC or whatever they’re watching these days.

In contrast, this Christianity Today article, Sex in the Body of Christ, advocates practicing the discipline of chastity.

Chastity, too, is a spiritual discipline. Chastity is something you do; it is something you practice. It is not only a state—the state of being chaste—but a disciplined, active undertaking that we do as part of the body. It is not the mere absence of sex but an active conforming of one’s body to the arc of the gospel.
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With all aspects of ascetic living, one does not avoid or refrain from something for the sake of rejecting it, but for the sake of something else. In this case, one refrains from sex with someone other than one’s spouse for the sake of union with Christ’s body. That union is the fruit of chastity.

If we do not teach this to our children, no matter how uncomfortable it may make us because we’re embarrassed to talk about sex, or are afraid to be asked about our own sexual history, we do them a grave disservice, because Planned Parenthood and MTV are only too ready to educate our children about sex.

UPDATED: Part-Time Pundit has a fantastic post called Let’s Talk About Sex II: Christianity, Sex, and Love. Let’s Talk about Sex is also a great read. Both of these posts are great resources for prepping to speak to your kids about what sex is and is not, and what it should be for Christians.