Pursuing Holiness

New Orleans area Limited Edition Barbies for 2005, with a hat tip to Max, a NOLA local and commenter over at Ace of Spades HQ.

Mattel recently announced the release of 11 limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater New Orleans Market for 2005:

North Shore Barbie

This princess Barbie is sold only at North Shore Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with an augmented version.

Kenner Barbie

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Treme Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferable small, untraceable bills) … unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Old Metairie Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Chalmette Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her won Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR T-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Garden District Barbie

This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available.

Westwego Barbie

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Gretna Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Mid-City Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Mid-City Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Algiers Barbie

This Barbie comes with a stroller and an infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Metairie Barbie

She’s wearing a Banana Republic outfit and watching her soaps on tv. She has her cell phone in hand, along with her home phone and day planner. On her planner she has the dates of all of her charity events listed. We don’t know where ken is because he’s always hunting or fishing.

French Quarter Barbie/Ken

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

written by Laura