Spam Theology

I just got this email from a well meaning family member. My comments are [bracketed].
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Subject: Fw: 8866378

PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT!!

You never know when GOD is going to bless you!!
Good things happen when you least expect them to !!!!!!!!

Change the number in the subject box when you forward it by adding one!!!

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I’m blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. [Not gonna happen. He doesn't promise us safety, he promises us the exact opposite. John 16:33]

Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. [WHAT!? I'm flabbergasted. Why would a Christian want to accept all things? Why would anyone want to accept all things? Maybe the writer defines "accept" differently than I do. Should we not grieve over the evil and sin in the world? Should we condone it by ignoring it? I don't know what the writer intended with this statement, but I see no good way to interpret it.]

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it’s the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak… [Wrong, dead wrong, as wrong as can be. In our weakness, HIS strength is perfected. 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 (John Piper article on this topic here.)]

Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don’t know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others. [Oh, the spam would not be complete without the guilt trip...]

I pray for those that don’t believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.

Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

If you prayed this prayer, change the number in the subject box before forwarding the message so people can SEE how many people have done so. God Bless!!!!!!!!!!! Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves!! [In what way does repeating a phrase accomplish anything? What bible verse advises us to repeat things? Matthew 6 has Jesus' take on this topic.]

God I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please. Pass this message to 9 people except you and me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow. Don’t ignore and God will bless you. [Sounds like witchcraft to me...]

Know that you are already blessed by the person who sent this to you. [You betcha... I have been blessed by that person, many times, but not in relation to this email. This email was well-meant, but garbage.]
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This is a new age version of the Lord’s Prayer. It has just enough truth in it that people will forward it, and just enough bad theology to steer those who are new or weak in their faith in a wrong direction. Too many Christians are guilty of sloppy thinking, and sometimes bending to peer pressure, when they forward this crap. It’s bad theology. It’s also bad manners to send an email that threatens and guilt-trips the recipient. Is there a nugget or two of good advice or even wisdom in this? Yes. For example, not whining is a good thing. Praying for those who don’t believe is something all Christians should do. Does the good outweigh the bad? No.

Ever heard the story about the Titanic movie and the brownies? A dad was being pestered by his children to watch Titanic. He didn’t want them to see it because of the sex scene in the car. The kids argued that the movie had won all kinds of awards, had some historical value, the costumes were beautiful, and listed every good thing about the movie that they could. Finally the dad agreed to let them rent it, and promised to make his famous double chocolate brownies as a treat. When he served them the brownies, before anyone took a bite, he mentioned he had added a special ingredient. He’d gone out into the yard and scooped up a quarter teaspoon of dog poop and added it to the recipe. But don’t worry, the other ingredients were pure and fresh, the best possible quality. Surely a little dog poop wasn’t enough to make them want to miss out on all those other good ingredients? The kids skipped the brownies - and the movie.

It is not possible, in a corrupt world, to only partake of things that are absolutely compatible with Christianity. We have to make hard choices all the time, comparing the choices at hand to the mandates in the Bible, and praying for wisdom. But where, as in this email, it can be avoided by either taking a few minutes to edit, or just not passing it on at all, why don’t we?

The Christian response to this email is not to forward it - at least, not without some serious editing - but to pray for, and witness to, the person who sent it.