Failure

I’m accustomed to success. Not because I’m brilliant, or have any kind of innate talent or anything like that. It’s because I’m like a pit bull. Once I lock onto something, it’s really hard to get me to let go of it. This time, in spite of the bitter taste in my mouth that these words cause, I’m going to have to quit. I’ve written two novels – one at about 50,000 words, and the other at 65,000. At the time I wrote them, it was really just for my own pleasure, because I love to write. I enjoy the process of creating a story. I had no intention of submitting them for publication, because frankly, at that time in my life I wasn’t able to bear the rejection letters which inevitably come. Who gets published on their first submission? No one I ever heard of, anyway.

I really wanted to do NaNoWriMo. Not just for the challenge of writing a book in a month, but because this time I’m ready to submit it to various publishers, take the rejection letters that will come, and hopefully eventually get published.

But it’s not going to happen this year. My personal and work life is a bit of a mess at the moment due to various health problems that I, my husband, and daughter all have. And there’s just no way I’m going to get this book done in November. So I’m admitting defeat. I’m not going to win NaNoWriMo this year. I am going to continue with the book – at a slower pace, and as my health allows. I hope to get it finished by the spring. This book is a mystery set in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, so it may still have some interest even as late as next year. Well, we’ll see. In the meantime, while this failure is painful, it’s not the first or the last one I’ll experience. And there will be another NaNoWriMo next November. Next year is MY year. I’m going to win. Wait and see.