Abuse of Men
June 19, 2007 by Laura | Trackback URI
I’m so tired of how men are verbally abused these days. It’s an accepted part of the culture now.
In commercials -
Nutrisystem - A man reports happily that his wife says he’s not as disgusting as he used to be.
Listen Up - (a personal sound amplifier) Nagging wife says repeatedly in an irritating nasal tone, Would you turn that down?
Gardin - the man acts childishly about being lost.
Trojan - men are literally pigs until they “evolve” enough to use condoms.
I can’t think of the products, but here are other examples that will be familiar:
- A housecleaning product - the man is clueless and needs instructions from his wife on how to use it
- Storage containers, but the man is lying on a white sofa in a room with white carpet while the baby plays with a container of spaghetti sauce. He’s on the phone lying to his wife about where they are and what they’re doing - apparently he’s not allowed to be in that room unsupervised.
- Pizza commercial - the man is watching The Big Game on television out in the yard for some reason. His wife comes home from the grocery with frozen pizza, and he phones the house as if ordering take out pizza. He’s rude and obnoxious, apparently to impress his friends.
In sitcoms, men are the idiots of the family. Every action, every comment, is greeted with an eye-roll or a sarcastic reply.
Here’s the thing - most men are great. My husband is an excellent example. He works hard, supports the family, kills the bugs, takes out the trash, and has learned to listen to my problems without necessarily trying to solve them. When he does offer a solution, it’s almost always a good one. He calls me during the day to see how I’m doing, and many times when I’ve had a bad morning, there’s a florist delivery van in the driveway in the afternoon. (Which is his method of trying to solve the problem, but it’s a solution that works because it reminds me that my problems are not mine alone; he cares about them too.) And as special as I think he is, the truth is that just in our little circle I know a lot of men very much like him. Men are not universally stupid, and I don’t think the constant bombardment of this propaganda is amusing or beneficial to society.
It’s the flip side of the Henry Higgins song. But do we really want men to be more like women? What would be the benefit of metrosexual nation? It’s shortsighted for women to demand that men behave like women - we think it will improve them, but at the end of the day it destroys everything that attracted us to them in the first place. And for what purpose? That women are too lazy to adapt? Anytime two people marry (or form a couple) adaptation is required. American society has placed women on a pedestal and demanded that men rise to our level; most of the adaptation is expected to be on their part, and what adaptation women do is usually accompanied with sarcastic complaints. Yes, men can be thoughtless and selfish on occasion. So can women. But let men be men! My husband, with his rough hands and logic (not feelings) based thought patterns balances me. He sees things very differently than I do and that benefits me because it gives me new insight into situations. He reacts with action, not with talk. Vive la difference!
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It’s hard to read your posts because the links in the middle cover up portions of text. But I completely agree with what I could read.
Thanks, and sorry about that… Can you tell me what browser you’re using, and what screen resolution?
I agree with you - to an extent. “Most men are great”? That’s one that I can’t say I agree with. While I do think that the depiction of men in the media is wrong, part of me feels like it’s there for a reason - maybe, just maybe, because enough men in our society already act the way they are depicted.
Maybe I’m just hanging out with the right people. While I have certainly known some real losers, the vast majority of men I’ve known have been intelligent, good people - not at all like the pathetic losers we see constantly on TV.
I think men are getting abused in this society because they have no backbones. They let themselves get pushed around by women, instead of stepping up and being the leaders. It’s pathetic, really. You always see submissive men standing behind their wives in the bank or grocery store willing to do whatever their wife tells them. Men seem to want to act submissive in this day and age.
“I agree with you - to an extent. “Most men are great”? That’s one that I can’t say I agree with. While I do think that the depiction of men in the media is wrong, part of me feels like it’s there for a reason - maybe, just maybe, because enough men in our society already act the way they are depicted.”
Or maybe, just maybe, we are being told over and over again that we are stupid and ignorant and good for nothing… and we’re finally starting to believe it.
It happens to kids over and over again. You reinforce the negative and they give up. They become what you have told them to be. Why wouldn’t grown men be the same?
In the 40s and 50s, men in movies and TV were heroes. By the 60s and 70s, heroes became more and more scarce, in favour of “realistic”, “gritty”, and “shades of grey”. Now, heroes are evil men, usually only degrees less evil than the “bad guys”. And we wonder where the heroes have gone. We no longer believe in them, so they have done as we have wished: they have all but disappeared.
You do have a point, Shane.
Men like abuse.
Marketers know that.
Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said, “If you want women to like you, act as though you’re in love with them; if you want men to like you, treat them as inferiors.
I just can’t buy into the idea that men like being denigrated and abused. Besides, when you look at what’s actually being sold, women are the market to whom these ads cater.
Advice to men: Grow. Spines.
That’s a good point about the commercials being targeted toward women.
But I still bet you if you spend an evening ordering your husband around like a second-class citizen, he would like it.
Men in the workplace understand this principle, and I don’t know anyone who rises to a position of authority within a company by any other way other than believing themselves superior to the other workers.
Denigration works for men with men, just like women with men.
Is this an “accepted part of the culture” as you say? I think the only way to really hold the hearts of other people is through the elimination in oneself of the sort of sentimental attitude that you are promoting. When it comes right down to it, your husband is giving you what you like, but are you giving him what he likes and craves?
On the other hand, I do understand the idea that there is room for respect and civility in relationships, however it has not been my experience that people who have that sort of respect or civility ever really achieve anything of consequence.
Women can motivate men to accomplish great things, just like tough parents can motivate their children to great achievements. Nothing much is ever accomplished by feeling good about our differences.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
All of that being said, I do appreciate what you wrote, and I appreciate you providing a space for to be able to comment- My universe is a higher threshold for cruelty than yours, but it’s had to…
Actually, no. When we first got together, I did tend to treat him that way because that’s what I was raised to do, but if I’d kept it up, we would have divorced. He doesn’t tolerate it - nor should he. And why not? I wouldn’t tolerate it either.
He’s risen to a position of authority at work because he really is the best. It’s not just an unfounded belief he’s managed to sell other people a bill of goods about. I’m not sure if that’s how you meant the comment, but I just wanted to make the point that the belief has to be based on something real; it doesn’t stand alone.
Treating others with respect is part of the core doctrine of Christianity - Mark 12:29-31. As for what he gives/I give - at the heart of a good Christian marriage are two concepts, simple to say but complicated to understand. The husband is required to love his wife like Christ loved the church. In other words, serve and care for her in every way possible. The wife is required to submit to her husband’s authority. Which sounds horrible, in the current culture, but taken in context - he’s loving and serving her, not making unreasonable demands and being an ***. We don’t even have to love our husbands - it’s just not a requirement. Just respect him as head of the household. (I’ll have to do a whole post on the ramifications of this sometime…)
On the contrary - I understand violence and cruelty all too well because I lived it.
Thanks for your comments, I’ve enjoyed them.
One more thing… as for achieving anything of consequence - we’ve actually achieved quite a lot. For example, I went from being all but homeless to being a successful small business owner. My husband had a terrible childhood, beat cancer, ended up graduating from college in his early 40s…
We’re not shaking the world but when you consider where we started, we have accomplished a great deal.
ADDED: I realize you were talking in generalities, but it really all depends on what your priorities are and what you classify as accomplishment. Is it being an elected official, a CEO, getting a degree… ? It’s pretty much in the eye of the beholder.