Unlovely

The last 24 hours have been the anti-Snoopy dance, and I am particularly unlovely.  The Lord gave and now the Lord has taken away.  My face is blotchy, my eyes are swollen almost shut and are so red that if you didn’t know me you’d think I’d spent the night snuggled up to a bag of weed and a bong.  And I went out in public like that this morning, taking my husband to the ER. (He had a migraine and needed a shot of Imitrex; he’s fine now.)  Face a wreck, no makeup, frowsy hair, grungy clothing.  Pride be damned.  We’d spent the night crying and didn’t care who knew it.  On the way to the ER, our car broke down.  Just one more thing.

[deleted, upon further reflection]

I can easily believe in a sovereign God who will turn every situation around for His glory; a loving Father God is a bit harder to envision.  In the eternal view, I’m not worried.  The macro is fine; God will be glorified.  But as for the micro – my personal situation, I have no idea.  So the rubber is meeting the road – in which kingdom do I live?  Do I live for His glory, or my happiness?  This is faith – unloveliness at the foot of the cross.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

ADDED: I deleted a paragraph and edited one sentence.  I was quite without hope when I wrote this… now I’m praying, I believe!  help my unbelief!  CAN God?  Yes…. WILL God?  I have no idea.  But even if He doesn’t, his grace is sufficient.  And thanks more than I can say for your prayers.