Over at Right Wing News – An Interview With Relationship Expert Shaunti Feldhahn. I didn’t know what men apparently want most: respect. (I’d have guessed “sex” if you asked me.) I did know I’m a very blessed woman in that my husband tells me he loves me about twenty times a day; I didn’t know how rare that is. Overall a very interesting interview.
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Society definitely trains guys to pursue sex without any accompanying respect. It doesn’t work out real well. I think once a woman stops respecting a man, she generally won’t keep sleeping with him, anyway — at least not for very long. So at that point, he just has to cope, or else move on to someone else.
I wouldn’t necessarily correlate a willingness to have sex with a man, with respect for him. I think it’s more likely to be the old tradeoff, unconscious or not – physical intimacy in exchange for emotional intimacy (and the implication of caretaking.)
But 100% YES, society is training people in all the wrong ways – for men to try to earn respect in all the wrong ways (they are not trained to be good providers) and for women to think they don’t need a man to care for them and their children – and that if they get him, the first thing on the agenda is to treat him like a large idiot who must immediately be made over. Enough of that treatment and he’ll live down to expectations and/or move on. It’s a train wreck.